


to the moon and to saturn

by wearealltalesintheend



Category: Avatar: The Last Airbender
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Ambassador Sokka (Avatar), Assassination Plot(s), Badass Mai (Avatar), Bisexual Disaster Sokka (Avatar), Bisexual Suki (Avatar), Coming of Age, F/F, F/M, Feelings Realization, Fluff and Humor, Gay Zuko (Avatar), Internalized Homophobia, Lesbian Mai (Avatar), Lesbian Ty Lee (Avatar), Letters, M/M, Mai (Avatar)-Centric, Past Sokka/Suki (Avatar), Post-War, Team as Family, Teen Romance, The Mortifying Ordeal of Being Known, just a little, minor sokka/zuko
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-05
Updated: 2020-08-06
Packaged: 2021-03-06 00:02:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,147
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25734019
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wearealltalesintheend/pseuds/wearealltalesintheend
Summary: Once, Ty Lee asks her what it’s like to be in love.From her lips, the words float like pink smoke and Mai lowers her book just to watch the sun set around her shoulders. “What? I don’t know.”“But,” Ty Lee frowns, dropping from her handstand in one long movement, like water flowing in a river, and sits cross-legged with her serious face on. It’s very rare to see her like this, all wide-eyed and furrowed brow, head tilted just a bit to the side as if she’s listening to a song only she knows. “What about Zuko?”Mai frowns. What about Zuko? Unnamed dread rises in the pit of her stomach, unnervingly familiar, and she pushes it back into a locked chest just below her sternum, closing the lid tightly to choke the fire.Everyone has a crush on Zuko,she could say, because it’s true, Zuko’s the crown prince and he’s sort of sweet even if he’s a little weird, so Mai figures if she were to like anyone, it would be him, she would like it to be him.Instead, she glares. “We’re twelve, we’re not in love.”*or, after the war, Mai stops an assassination plot, makes friends, and comes to terms with her own sexuality. Not necessarily in that order, though.
Relationships: Mai & Sokka (Avatar), Mai & Suki (Avatar), Mai & Zuko (Avatar), Mai/Ty Lee (Avatar), Sokka & Suki (Avatar), Suki & Zuko (Avatar)
Comments: 28
Kudos: 150





	to the moon and to saturn

_“… I miss you even more than I could have believed, and I was prepared to miss you a good deal. So this letter is really just a squeal of pain. It is incredible how essential to me you have become. I suppose you are accustomed to people saying these things. Damn you, spoilt creature; I shan’t make you love me any the more by giving myself away like this — but oh my dear, I can’t be clever and stand-offish with you: I love you too much for that. Too truly.”_

_– Vita Sackville-West to Virginia Woolf_

*

Once, Ty Lee asks her what it’s like to be in love.

From her lips, the words float like pink smoke and Mai lowers her book just to watch the sun set around her shoulders. “What? I don’t know.”

“But,” Ty Lee frowns, dropping from her handstand in one long movement, like water flowing in a river, and sits cross-legged with her serious face on. It’s very rare to see her like this, all wide-eyed and furrowed brow, head tilted just a bit to the side as if she’s listening to a song only she knows. “What about Zuko?”

Mai frowns. What about Zuko? Unnamed dread rises in the pit of her stomach, unnervingly familiar, and she pushes it back into a locked chest just below her sternum, closing the lid tightly to choke the fire. _Everyone has a crush on Zuko,_ she could say, because it’s true, Zuko’s the crown prince and he’s sort of sweet even if he’s a little weird, so Mai figures if she were to like anyone, it would be him, she would like it to be him. _That’s different,_ she could say, because it wouldn’t taste like a lie, not exactly, even if she’s not entirely sure why yet. 

Instead, she glares. “We’re twelve, we’re not _in love._ ”

Most girls shrink away whenever Mai says stuff like that, _waspish_ her mother calls her tone, but Ty Lee grins, _beams,_ like the sun is setting in the horizon just to rise on her smiles. “Oh, okay, thanks, Mai!” She leans forward, elbows on her knees and face on her hands. This way, she looks softer still, “what are you reading, anyway?”

Mai puts her book down for good, and her lips tilt up, just a little, just for her.

*

Life in Caldera City is reliably tedious, and Mai thinks it might be a good thing– anytime something unexpected happens, it seems to be for the worst. Zuko’s banishment, Azula’s new impromptu ideas, Omashu, and now–

“You’re leaving,” she says, not asks, and while she never expected it to, she’s still grateful her voice never cracks. It stays flat, emotionless, placid. 

“Well,” Ty Lee is fidgeting, and not in the way she does simply because staying still is always out of reach for her. No, tonight, she’s standing in the middle of Mai’s balcony and fiddling with her sleeves because she’s _leaving Mai behind._ “You’re leaving too!”

“Not for a week,” it comes out as a half-accusation, which is better than saying _I thought I had more time with you._ “What do you mean you’re leaving?”

It’s no secret Ty Lee hates it here, or, as much as Ty Lee can hate anything. Mai knows that, she’s listened to her hushed confessions about her sisters, the nightmares, the fights. It’s no secret, not for Mai. And, if she’s being honest, she might have seen it coming when they went to the circus three days ago and Ty Lee had watched the acrobats flying on stage, balancing impossibly high on the tightrope, and her eyes had been wide in the flickering half-light, _enchanted._

She might have seen it coming in the tightness of her chest at the sight, the odd feeling of losing something precious.

“I’m running away with the circus,” Ty Lee says, and her voice is a storm, devastatingly certain, unstoppable. Even as she comes to stand beside Mai by the railing, fluttering hands touching her elbow and scorching Mai’s skin through her sleeves, “I’m sorry, it’s something– I can’t stay here anymore. And you won’t even be here either anyway! You’re leaving for Omashu, and Azula is always busy, and my sisters–”

Yes, and her sisters. The matching set Ty Lee would be left with after Mai leaves and Azula builds herself as the Fire Lord’s mirror. “I know,” she sighs, looking away from Ty Lee’s cloud-grey eyes made darker in the moonlight. Ty Lee is always so cheerful, it’s unnerving to see her like this. It makes Mai want to do foolish things– wanting anything at all is foolish enough. “I understand,” she tells her instead.

“I wish you’d come with me,” Ty Lee admits, quiet as a breeze, and when she lets go of Mai, her handprint stays.

Mai grips the railing harder, knuckles undoubtedly going white, aching. “When are you leaving?”

“Now?” She frowns, eyebrows furrowing, “I left my backpack outside. They’re just waiting for me. Will you tell Azula for me? But only tomorrow, only after I’m gone.”

Only after she’s far enough Azula won’t make her come back. Yes, Mai can do that. “I won’t tell anyone where you’re going.”

Ty Lee smiles, and it’s a cheerful one, softening the blow from the tears at the corner of her eyes. “Thank you,” and then, because Ty Lee will always be Ty Lee, she throws her arms around Mai, face buried at the crook of her neck, and when Mai hugs her back, the folds of her dress hide her there, tight against her chest. “I’ll miss you.”

_I’ll miss you too,_ the words are there, just rattling around her ribcage, but Mai can make them climb up her throat. They bruise at her heart, sharp and heavy, a knife for her to fall into. In the silence, Ty Lee clutches fistfuls of her dress and Mai wishes she knew how to hold her back.

*

The first letter is waiting for Mai in Omashu.

It sits on her bedside table, cheap paper sealed with wax that’s cracking at the edges, flaking with every move.

_Dear Mai,_

_I know how your father gets, so I’m assuming this letter has beat you to Omashu. Did you travel well? It’s a long way, but I hear it’s an interesting place. Everyone in the Earth Kingdom seems to think it used to be a fun place, anyway, what with that crazy king and all. Can I even say that?_

_Anyway. I won’t ask you how everyone has taken the news because I’m not sure how you would answer this letter, we’re still traveling, you know? But I guess it doesn’t matter so much, it wouldn’t change my mind, and I don’t think you’d want that, in any case. You hate gossip, I know. Besides, I’m so happy here! Seriously, Mai, my aura has never been pinker! I_ ~~_think_~~ _know this is my calling. Isn’t that exciting? I hope we get to Omashu someday so you’d see._ ~~_And I m–_ ~~__

_Oh, talking about Omashu, we were so close just the other day! I climbed a tree and I swear I could almost see the palace’s tower! It would take too long to walk around the mountain, though. Apparently, and this is what I wanted to tell you about, there’s a tunnel that goes right into the mountain and all the way to the other side, but they say it’s very dangerous. There’s a song about it and everything, but this is kind of how the story goes:_

_There were two lovers who lived in two enemy towns, separated by the mountain, so they learned how to earthbend just to carve that tunnel and meet in secret. Isn’t that so romantic? They changed the world just to be together. But then, the man died in the war between the cities and the woman was left behind to grieve him. I hate to think of that, being the one living after the person you love dies. Can you imagine it? I don’t know if I could do it. Anyway, the woman in the story, she was the only earthbender so she could probably have avenged him and all, but she didn’t, not like most people would. Instead, she stopped the fight. She ended the war so no one would feel like that. They say she was buried beside him in the heart of the mountain and Omashu was built in their honor, after both their names, so they’d be together forever._

_So you see, I don’t get why the tunnel would be dangerous. Why would she haunt it? She stopped the war. She’s with her love now. Why would she haunt anyone? I keep thinking about that. She_ _stopped_ _the fight. If anything, if she was going to stay, I think she would stay to help the people who get lost there. That’s a much nicer thought, isn’t it? It would match the aura of the cave a lot better too._

_Would you go into the tunnel with me if you were here, Mai? I think we’d find our way out, the woman in the story would help us._

_Well, this is getting long and people are giving me weird looks, so I suppose I should stop writing now. You’re probably bored already anyway. I hope you’re settling in alright, I know it’s not Caldera City, but you never liked that place all that much, did you? Don’t let your mother annoy you too much, remember, she has your brother to fuss over now, that should give you some space._

_I’ll let you know when we stop long enough somewhere for you to write back._

_I miss you, Mai. I keep thinking about that tunnel. I guess I wish we could meet in the middle, too. I don’t regret leaving, but I miss you a lot._

_From your best friend who’s finally learned how to walk on the tightrope yesterday,_

_Ty Lee_

*

Sometimes, Mai writes back. She goes as far as signing the letter and sealing it with the expensive wax her father has imported from the capital, but she never sends it.

Where would she send it to? Ty Lee gives her town names, but it’s always a gamble, she could be gone by the time the hawk arrives and just the thought of someone else reading them– it’s unbearable.

Mai burns them in the fireplace each time, watches the smoke waft up the air and out the window, and imagines they’ll find Ty Lee anyway.

*

The last thing Azula does to them is sending them to different prisons. She doesn’t trust them together, she never did, but Mai doesn’t think that’s all there is to it.

Azula has always hoarded secrets like gold, like trading chips– her entire life one game of pai sho she’s hellbent on winning. It wasn’t any different with them. In the end, she knows neither of them would ever be as miserable as Azula wants them to be now if they were together. If Mai had Ty Lee here, with her, at touching distance, her soft breathing filling the cold damp cell, things wouldn’t be half as broken. It’s the thought of Ty Lee somewhere, shivering alone like Mai is– would they have allowed her to keep her braid? Would the guards let her stretch in the mornings at dawn? Is she safe? Is she hurt at all? Is she– it’s the ghostly uncertainties of her absence that haunts her.

Mai sighs. The little window in her cell looks out to the courtyard, allowing a small sliver of moonlight to slant across the stone floor and up the moldy wall. It’s a full moon tonight, wide and silver, cloudless like a sleepless gaze, and Mai thinks of standing in her balcony so many years ago with Ty Lee doing handstands and asking her strange questions upside down. 

Even now, maybe _especially_ now, Mai doesn’t think she lied to Azula. She _does_ love Zuko more than she fears her, but– if love is all there is to it, then why is Ty Lee miles away in a matching cell? How do you measure love out of sacrifices? Zuko left Mai behind in Caldera because he loved her and Mai betrayed Azula because she loved him, does that count as a love story yet? Mai betrayed Azula because she loves Zuko and the thought of him falling into the boiling water was too awful to entertain. Is that why Ty Lee saved her? Did the thought of Mai dying by Azula’s lightning terrify her?

In all honesty, it probably had. If Mai died, Ty Lee would have been left alone with Azula. Alone to bear her whims and follow her commands during an especially turbulent time– Sozin’s comet is nearing and something is brewing at the palace, let alone the paranoia that Mai’s betrayal would undoubtedly have instilled into her. 

Maybe Mai’s overthinking this. Why does she even care so much anyway? Of course Ty Lee didn’t want Azula to kill her, she’s her friend, Mai would have done the same, _clearly._ They’ve known each other since childhood, they’ve learned how to survive at Azula’s side together; their whole lives, even with miles between them, it’s always been the two of them. Mai doesn’t know why she’s so surprised. It’s stupid, it’s probably what Azula wanted: Mai, allowing herself to fester, all the dirty work done without lifting a finger.

_What’s it like to be in love,_ Ty Lee keeps asking in her head. Maybe it’s like this: constantly missing each other, but sacrificing everything anyway. That’s all she and Zuko seem to do anyway.

*

The end-of-the-war celebrations go way beyond Zuko’s coronation, or his speech to the public, or even the last free day they all spend together drinking tea and talking like Mai hasn’t tried to kill them half a dozen times. Festivities and fairs and balls go on outside the palace walls but two days after the coronation work begins.

Zuko disappears in a series of meetings with his advisors, with dignitaries, with the Avatar and his friends, and Mai makes the mistake of joining him only once– it feels like it lasts decades in the short hour it goes, and she’s bored out of her mind, knife playing between her knuckles, alternatingly barely keeping herself from stabbing someone.

It’s not that she resents him for it, she doesn’t, she knew from the start what this would be like, she just wishes– whatever. It doesn’t matter, it’s not even that she wants Zuko to ditch the meetings all that much, it’s just that she’s so awfully, terribly, utterly _bored._

No, it’s beyond that. She’d been bored at the meeting, she’d been bored at the prison, she’d been bored in Omashu. Here, in the palace, she’s _transcended_ boredom. Days go by so alike one another, she barely notices them, and more often than not she’s afraid one day she’ll become like another one of the decorations in the walls– something pretty to be looked at, sitting there, perfectly still, gathering dust, day after day after day after day.

Once, when they had been ten, Ty Lee had been allowed to spend the night at her house. They had stayed up until the moon was high in the sky and the whole house had been asleep, and when Ty Lee insisted they sneak to the kitchens, the hallways had been dark and eerie, warped in a way that had been almost unfamiliar. The house had creaked and groaned, _it’s probably ghosts,_ Ty Lee had whispered, gripping Mai’s hand so tightly in hers as they braved downstairs in search of snacks, _this place has that kind of aura, you know?_

It hadn’t been spirits, of course, just the wood and the metal contracting after dilating all day in the sun.

Still, when Ty Lee had shuffled even closer, said _maybe that’s why your dad is always mad,_ Mai had snickered and nodded.

This is kind of how she feels now: like the moment right before Ty Lee’s fingers touched hers, a small little thing staring down at the darkness. This time, though, she haunts the hallways of the palace, dress dragging in the carpet, and feels a strange sort of kinship to these walls. She wonders, sometimes, if someone were to peel the skin away, she would look like this– empty chambers and dust-filled floors, ghost footprints along the halls. 

*

“Zuko is very sorry,” the Kyoshi Warrior says, “but the meeting is running late. He wanted me to tell you to go on eating without him.”

It’s not the first time Zuko’s gotten held up by his council, it’s not even the first time he sends someone to tell Mai not to wait for him, but it _is_ the first time one of the Kyoshi Warriors deigns to play messenger hawk for him. Maybe it’s because it’s not just any Warrior, it’s one of his friends– fine, Mai knows her name. She’s like, one of the more tolerable of Zuko’s friends anyway. “Does he know being the Fire Lord doesn’t mean he doesn’t have to eat anymore?”

Suki snorts. “Or sleep,” she shrugs a little, almost as if dispelling a shadow, and grins, her whole face smoothing into something kinder. She pulls up a chair, closer to Mai than propriety would allow, but then again, if they were worried about propriety, Mai would be _laying low_ with her parents at their vacation home and not living at the palace. “I swear, if he uses that _ooh, firebenders rise with the sun_ excuse one more time, I’m dragging him out of that meeting room myself.”

Her own snort is a surprise even to her, and Mai blinks once before regaining her composure. “Let me know when you plan on doing that, it’ll probably be the most entertaining thing that’ll happen all year in this place.”

Now, Suki laughs properly. It’s the kind of pretty, delicate sound that probably tricks people into thinking she’s not the most dangerous person in the room. “Well, I’ll give you that, since Toph and the others left, it _has_ been pretty quiet. Poor assassination attempts aside, I mean.”

“That’s the earthbender?”

She rolls her eyes, glaring half-heartedly. “You _know_ her name, you know _all_ of our names.”

“Lies,” Mai raises one eyebrow, spearing a piece of komodo-chicken.

Oddly, Suki laughs again. “If that makes you sleep better,” she sips her wine, eyes sparkling like she doesn’t believe Mai in the least, and it’s very hard sometimes to remember once they tried to kill each other multiple times. “Anyway. Lin’s letter arrived yesterday, she says Ty Lee’s been doing very good at training.”

Mai hums, feigning at the very least a curbed interest. “If you say so.”

“And the girls love her,” she continues, “even Nia and the others are coming around.”

“What?” Mai looks up sharply, something cold crystalizing in her chest.

“Ty Lee didn’t tell you about them?” Suki grimaces, managing to sound both regretful and awkward at the same time. Mai shakes her head. “It’s nothing too serious, she probably didn’t want you to worry!”

“I’m not,” Mai shoots back in reflex, amends, “about what?”

“Well, it’s just that some of the warriors were a bit, uh, _concerned_ about welcoming Ty Lee into our fold,” she explains with such a soothing voice, Mai has no doubt this is more watered down the wine they’re day-drinking. Then, since this is still Suki, she adds, blunt and unrepentant, “not everyone is ready to forgive the Fire Nation _or_ you and Ty Lee for that day in the woods. _And_ Ba Sing Se. I can’t ask them to just forget everything and pretend that didn’t happen.”

The cold slips through the cracks in her bones and Mai swallows, carefully maintaining her face smooth and impassive. “I know. So does Ty Lee. We don’t expect you to either,” she hesitates, hands faltering in the air, chopsticks laid down deliberately on the table, “we _are_ sorry.”

Suki nods, smiling gently, “I know, all of you apologized before, and I appreciate that. I mean, I met Azula, enough said about that,” she says, snickering as if encouraging the air to lighten, “but seriously, Nia may have had some reservations about Ty Lee, but as I said, she’s coming around, you don’t have to worry.”

Mai smiles, a tiny twitch of her lips at the image of Ty Lee, pestering a faceless girl into forgiving her. The same unfailing cheeriness she carried with her while fighting the Kyoshi Warriors. “It’s impossible not to love her.”

Now, Suki’s grin is definitely mischievous, a startling beautiful sight for the middle of lunch. “If you say so.”

Heat rushes to her cheeks, and Mai glares. “What is that supposed to mean?”

Instead of cowering as most people would in the face of her glower, Suki just laughs again and takes another bite of her komodo-chicken.

*

Her room in the palace has a balcony that opens to the gardens, allowing the moon to reflect off the pond and into her impeccably polished floorboards, giving everything a silvery edge. In the mirror, she brushes her hair slowly, feeling the tension leave her shoulders as the knots come undone, dark spilling over her robe.

A knock on the door startles her briefly before Zuko pokes his head in, eyes firmly closed. “Can I come in?”

Mai smiles. Sometimes it’s nice to know he’s still kind of a dork. “Sure,” a beat, “if you can spare a minute from your very important meetings.”

“Okay, I deserved that,” he grimaces sheepishly, closing the door behind him and taking a seat on her bed. “I’m sorry I missed lunch again, but the Earth Kingdom envoy wanted to talk about the budget and then the chief of the guard wanted to talk about the Kyoshi Warriors–”

“I know,” she rolls her eyes, fixing him with a look through the mirror. His hair is getting long, a few more weeks and it might reach his shoulders. “What did the chief want?”

Zuko sighs, dragging a hand across his face and falling on his back on the mattress. “To complain, mostly. The Royal Guard is feeling obsolete with them around so there’s been some tension.”

“If they didn’t want to be replaced, then they should try being more competent,” she says, turning her attention back to her own hair. “They should also be glad they still have a job at all considering how many assassins they let slip through.”

“I’m not going to fire them,” Zuko frowns, “or replace them. It’s a temporary solution, the Kyoshi Warriors.”

“Pity,” she shrugs.

“And I mean, I get that it’s a weird situation,” he continues, now gesturing wildly as if to prove a point, “but they’re in over their heads in this. Besides, I know I can trust Suki.”

That’s a surprisingly good point, so Mai sets the brush down to turn around and face Zuko properly. It’s important to have good eye contact when glaring at someone. “What aren’t you telling me?”

There’s something inherently comforting to know some things never change, even if it’s Zuko’s absolute inability to lie. He averts her gaze, shuffling to sit against the headboard, before seeming to give in, sighs, “there may have had some development in the assassination attempts.”

Alarm shoots adrenaline in her bloodstream, and Mai looks around the room reflexively as if expecting some shadowy figure to jump from behind the curtains or explode through the windows. “What development?”

“Erm, we may have gotten a name,” he admits, “apparently they call themselves the _New Ozai Society.”_

“Really? That’s the best they could come up with?”

Zuko snorts, quiet and tired, and if he hangs around here much longer, he’ll end up falling asleep on her bed. If she didn’t know any better, she’d think he’s doing this on purpose. If she didn’t know any better, she might think he’s afraid of sleeping alone in his own room.

“Well,” she says firmly, sweeping her hair off her shoulders and slipping out of her robe before standing up. If Zuko wants to stay the night, it’s not like the servants outside don’t already have enough to gossip anyway– the Fire Lord in her room alone with no chaperone! The scandal! She pulls at the covers, muttering a cross _budge over_ just for the sake of saving face, and lies down beside him, “clearly the guards aren’t cooperating with the Kyoshi Warriors if it took them so long to get such a terrible name. If _that’s_ what they’re called, they can’t be that clever. Fine, then, I’ll do it myself.”

_“What?”_

Zuko whips his head around so fast, Mai nearly laughs, settling instead for a shadow of a smirk. “I’ll look into this myself,” she repeats slowly as if speaking to an unruly child, “I can work with Suki without throwing a tantrum. _And_ I’m competent, unlike those guards you insist in keeping around.”

“It’s too dangerous,” he frowns, getting under the covers himself.

“Don’t be stupid,” she cuts him off, leaning over to blow out the candle at the bedside table and settling back closer, tucked into his chest. It’s nice, feeling someone else’s heartbeat under your palm, the rise and fall of their chest, undeniable proof of life. “I’m bored anyway.”

She feels him exhaling quietly, pressing a kiss to her hair. “You don’t have to do this,” his voice drifts off, “but thank you.”

“Shut up,” she mutters, closing her eyes, “I'm sleeping now.”

*

_Ty Lee,_

_I’m not going to ask how your training is going because Suki seems to think she needs to tell me about it every day and besides, I know you; nothing she tells me is surprising. Although, she makes it sound like Kyoshi Island is a very beautiful place. Is it true a giant sea serpent lives on the beach? If it is, have you befriended it yet? You always loved beaches and I haven’t seen an animal you didn’t win over before, I dread the names you’ll come up for it._

_Have I bored you yet, Ty Lee? I’m afraid my words are dreary compared to your beautiful island, but it’s odd, I’ve never had to answer a letter from you before, I’m not entirely sure how to go about it. Do I sound like myself? I suppose the trouble is you’ve never needed me to use my words before._

_Before._

_I’ve been thinking about before lately. Remember when we were children and you used to do cartwheels around the garden and handstands in my balcony? I used to think you laughed with the wind. I don’t know what I meant. I suppose I miss that, which is to say I miss you. We were happy then. Do you think we can still do that?_

_I’m being maudlin again, aren’t I? I can’t help it, I haven’t said this much aloud before, I don’t think so. See, Ty Lee? I’m using up all my words for you, I might have to go silent for the rest of the week now._

_Zuko has just barged in– he seems to think just because he’s Fire Lord now I won’t stab him, can you imagine? Boys are dumb. He’s saying hi, by the way, and asking me to ask you to convince Suki he doesn’t need bodyguards anymore. Like I said, boys are dumb. Don’t worry, though. Apparently the Water Tribe is sending ambassadors and that boy with the boomerang, the loud one– fine, I do know his name– Sokka is one of them. Their ship might dock before this letter reaches you, so feel free to ignore Zuko’s melodrama. You know how they’re like, between Sokka and Suki I’m sure they’ll bully Zuko into resigning himself to being safe and I’ll be able to focus on my investigations._

_Now, there is something I wanted to ask you. I’ve been debating with myself, but I suppose you’re not here to guess what I mean. Are you happy, Ty Lee? In Kyoshi Island? Suki says some of the warriors aren’t happy with your presence there. I guess they have the right to hold a grudge, we did impersonate them to conquer Ba Sing Se. And I did stab them that day in the woods. Either way, I hear they’re coming around. I could stab them again if they’re not?_

_Think about it, Zuko gave me a new knife, I’m waiting for the opportunity to break it in._

_Mai_

_*_

The thing about investigating these assassination attempts is that half her work is serving as a liaison between the Royal Guard and the Kyoshi Warriors. It’s certainly not as exciting as she expected it to be and she hasn’t had a reason to use her shiny new knife yet, but at the very least, the guards give her no trouble. They answer her questions with the self-aggrandizing way of someone desperate to keep their jobs and show up the competition and any other information they might be holding back is given up easily enough with a few pointed glares.

They still remember her time with Azula, they’re still scared of that. Good, they should.

The Kyoshi Warriors are slightly more complicated. They’re not employees, they’re not even Zuko’s subjects, they’re just a group of highly skilled warriors doing them a _favor._ Mai shouldn’t threaten them, really. Even if some of them _are_ testing her patience. 

To be fair, it’s not that they’re not cooperating, they _are,_ but it’s clear that they don’t trust her. Or, rather, they don’t _dis_ trust her. It’s not surprising at all, Mai has made many of them bleed not even a year ago, and while it’s easy to forgive Ty Lee with her genuine smiles and cheerfulness bubbling out of her, Mai is harder. She’s standoffish, she’s cold, she’s prickly. No one would accuse her of being particularly likable. 

That’s quite alright with her usually, but it doesn’t make working with them any easier. Usually, Ty Lee would be there to charm them and Azula would be there to threaten them. Today, Mai stands alone.

“I just find it strange they would be able to slip past the gate so many times, that’s all.”

Well, not _all_ alone.

“Incompetency only excuses so far,” she agrees, twirling her knife absently. The metal catches the early afternoon sunlight and reflects it sharply on the wall, and most people would be unnerved by the entire thing. Not Suki, though.

“Yeah! And if what Orek said is true,” Suki scowls, holding her makeup brush like a battle spear. They’re in her room in the family wing of the palace, continuing their lunch discussion on the roots of the conspiracy while Suki finishes fixing her makeup. There’s something oddly trusting about it that Mai is carefully not thinking about as she sits in Suki’s bed not as perfectly poised as she would normally be. “Then this goes deeper than we thought. I didn’t know about that hitman. The price on the hit alone– I mean, whoah, that’s _a lot_ of gold.”

Mai considers this for a second. “It is, and considering how many assassins there has been– it’s too expensive. Not just anyone could pay for that, even if they’re splitting the costs.”

“This faction,” she brushes white powder from her dress, catching Mai’s eye in the mirror, “they have some deep pockets.”

A raised eyebrow.

“Say, not every noble family would have access to this much money, would they?”

“No,” Mai grins, a wicked cut of her lips, just as sharp as it’s subdued, finally catching on, “and what are the chances that someone as paranoid as Ozai would keep strict records on his allies?”

Suki smirks, dangerous. “I think it’s time we paid a visit to the treasurer.”

*

The treasurer is a tired overworked man that doesn’t blink twice at their demands. He gives them a calculating look and asks them to sign a record book before dumping piles and piles of scrolls on their arms as clouds of dust waft up their faces.

Mai sneezes for the tenth time and a scroll rolls off the table down to the floor. “I think I’m allergic to this drivel.”

“I think you might be allergic to dust,” Suki offers her a sympathetic smile, her own finger stained dark grey from paging through one too many coming-apart papers.

Eyes beginning to water, Mai scowls fiercely, glaring down at the numbers. It’s been what– a couple of hours? A bit more? This is ridiculous. “We don’t have _time_ for allergies.”

“Maybe you should take a break? Zuko’s meeting should be over by now, even if the Council gives him trouble again.” She rolls her eyes, annoyance melting into what looks like shining pride, “this new legislation is really going to help a lot of people, you know? No matter what the Council says, it’s a really great thing.”

“What new legislation?” It comes out sharper than she had intended, but her nose is feeling stuffed, her eyes watering just enough to be annoying, and half these scrolls are usually. Mai thinks she’s entitled to a little sharpness.

Suki pauses. “He didn’t tell you?”

“Tell me _what?”_

“About, well, it’s not really a new law,” she explains awkwardly, “he’s just lifting the ban on homosexuality and legalizing same-sex marriages again. It’s part of his project on undoing Sozin’s damage to Fire Nation culture, I think. I thought he had mentioned, sorry.”

Something in Mai seizes, going icy and then flaring hot as a forest fire. Heart beating faster and feeling unreasonably defensive, Mai glances away. “He didn’t.”

“Sorry,” Suki says again, and now she’s beginning to sound concerned, biting her lip and making a _face,_ eyes wide and soft in a way that reminds Mai so painfully of Ty Lee. “I just know because I was on duty at the first meeting he brought it up! And then I asked to be updated, you know, to let the girls know when it’s safe to go on dates outside again.”

For one long minute Mai stays frozen. It’s so strange, how her whole body seems to be hyperaware of everything around her, and Suki’s last phrase echoes in her head. She feels herself flushing for some unfathomable reason. “Dates?”

Her voice is sounding odd, strained, but Mai can’t bring herself to look at Suki. “Oh, you didn’t know? Some of the warriors are dating. It’s not a big deal in Kyoshi Island. Did you know she was bisexual too?”

The Avatar was– the Kyoshi Warriors– girls?

Mai thinks she might actually be allergic after all. Tears are gathering in her eyes, clinging to her eyelashes, and the warmth hasn’t left her cheeks yet. Heart in her throat, she pushes off her chair, shame boiling scorching hot in her blood. “Whatever. I’m taking that break.”

“Mai? Are you alright–”

Suki’s words follow her even after the door is slammed shut behind her, and Mai doesn’t know why she’s feeling so out of it, why her thoughts are a tangled mess. This outburst, it’s so unlike her! It’s confusing, and strange, and even though she’s just fled someone’s company, Mai feels terribly lonely.

She wants– Ty Lee. No, maybe Zuko. Even Azula might do. Maybe she should go back to Suki? The world is tilting sideways and her heart hasn’t stopped beating like war drums yet, and Mai thinks this means something. She might even know what if she’s willing to look a little closer. It’s at the tip of her tongue, one little loose end daring her to pull everything apart. 

Mai just doesn’t think she’s quite that brave yet.

*

_Dearest Mai,_

_First things first: stop worrying, silly! I’m fine! Everything’s fine here! Yes, some of the warriors might have had an issue with me at the beginning, but that’s water under the bridge now. We’re all friends. And yes, you were right, even the sea serpent. I haven’t thought of a name yet, but he’s that pointy kind of friendly. Don't be mad, but he reminds me a little of you._

_Or maybe I'm just projecting. Your letter arrived the other day right in the middle of breakfast and I couldn't bring myself to wait one little second longer– I opened it and read it right there, at the table! I almost cried into my poached egg. I missed you so much at that moment I thought I was dying. Not that I'm not always missing you, I am, but it's more spread out normally, not all once like that. Bit by bit I can handle just fine: I miss you a little during meditation and then again at midday, I miss you at the beach and at the top of the hills, and I miss you every time I breathe. It sounds all very dramatic when put like that, I might rewrite this whole letter, we’ll see._

_You asked me if you sounded like yourself. And you know what, Mai? You did, you do. Because the way I see it, letters are silences and you were always loudest in the quiet. You said I wasn't there to guess what you meant, but it was never guesswork, Mai. I just listened. I'm still listening. You called your words dreary and asked if I was bored. How could I? Kyoshi Island may be beautiful but it’s all so idyllic, sometimes I don’t know what to do with myself. I miss your prickliness. You’re not dreary and you’re certainly not boring, you’re sour candy! Does that make sense?_

_If anything, I should be the one asking you that– am I too much for you yet?_

_Enough of that now. Onto more pressing matters: what do you mean investigation? Is this about the assassins? There’s been a lot of buzz about that here. Are you safe? I hope Zuko’s recklessness is not rubbing off on you. You said Sokka is probably already in the Capital, so let him help you, at least? Oh, spirits, don’t go rushing into this alone, please? I hate to think of you by yourself._

_You asked if we could be that happy again, and I like to think so, but only if we’re alive to get there. Dead people don’t have pink auras, Mai. By the way, I remember those days a little differently: I always thought you were too busy with your books and knives to pay attention to what I was doing. I suppose I wouldn’t have been half as loud if I knew you were already watching. I do remember sneaking into your balcony at night and having lemon cake for breakfast in the morning. Does that cook still work for your father? I don’t think I’ve ever had lemon cakes as good as those. Do you remember that summer we camped in your gardens? Azula had been traveling with Ozai and breathing felt easier. There were fireflies that summer. Do you think they’ll come back now that the war is over?_

_I guess what I mean is, it’ll never be like it was before, but we can still camp in your garden. The palace’s garden, I mean, if Zuko’s okay with that._

_Be safe. And do try to be happy, even after everything, I think we can deserve that._

_From your friend who misses you more than your lemon cakes,_

_Ty Lee._

_*_

The letter is still clutched tight in her hands, wrinkled where her fingers grip the paper like a lifeline, when Zuko enters the balcony behind her. It’s worrying, she hadn’t heard him approach until now.

“So,” he says, overly casual as he comes to stand beside her, leaning against the railing. It’s well into the evening now, she’s missed dinner. “How’re your allergies?”

Mai sniffles as if to prove a point. “Why didn’t you tell me what you were working on?”

At her side, Zuko sighs, a long, tired exhale, and looks up at the sky. When he speaks, it’s still to the stars. “I don’t know. Why’d you run off?”

“Allergies,” she says flatly, following his gaze to the unnamed constellations above them, “did you think I would be against it?”

“No. I don’t know? It’s been around so long, most people–”

“I’m not most people,” she snaps, harsher than she’d meant to, then amends almost in apology, “and I’m not. Against it, that is.”

He glances briefly at her before looking away again, down at the gardens this time. “Thanks. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you.”

“Is that what was taking up your time?”

“It’s part of it, yes,” he runs a hand through his hair. It’s loose from his ponytail now, falling past his eyes like a curtain to hide him from her stare before he tucks it back. “Do you remember Ember Island?”

The sudden turn in the conversation makes her feel like she’s careening around the bend, veering off a cliff. Mai blinks, turning to look at him fully. “Yeah, kind of hard not to.”

Maybe it’s just to mirror her, but Zuko finally looks back too. _What do you see,_ she wants to ask. “I don’t want to have to wait until something like that to be honest with you.”

The unnerving nameless anxiety that’s been brewing in her chest all afternoon is solidifying into a heavy lead, and Mai wants to rewind the day to just stay in bed until tomorrow dawns again. But she was the one who argued to stay in the Capital when her father moved into their country house. She was the one who wanted to play at being adults. She threw away the right to be childish and wish for childish things. “You don’t have to,” she says slowly, reaching for his hand in the railing and finding it cold and clammy, just like she feels.

There’s something heavy in the air tonight that loses some weight at the admission like the whole world exhaled with their words. It’s daunting how much it feels like a change is in the horizon, it’s terrifying. 

It can wait for another day, they’re all learning to be patient. “So, what did _your_ letter say?” Mai asks, smiling just enough to let him know it’s okay.

Zuko snorts quietly, shaking his head, and gives her a grateful look. “The ships got delayed in the Earth Kingdom, something about a storm? It might take them a couple of weeks still.” 

The aching in his voice is so painfully clear to hear, Mai can’t help shuffling closer, laying her head on his shoulder to try and bury the twin notes of hurting in her own heart that reminds her it’s been so very long since she last saw Ty Lee. 

Is this what being in love is like? She wishes she had a better answer.

*

Focusing on the investigation is _not_ a deflection.

It’s not even a distraction. It’s just _sensible._ Whatever else is going on is just going to have to wait– the Fire Lord’s safety comes first.

“So what did Orek have to say?” asks Suki, nudging her ankle lightly under the table, “you talked with him this morning, right?”

Ever since Mai politely but firmly refused to discuss the incident in the library, including her unnecessary apologies, Suki seems to have taken the hint and stopped mentioning altogether. Great. That’s exactly what Mai wants. “I did,” she shrugs, “unfortunately, blandness isn’t reason enough to fire someone.”

Suki hides a snicker behind her scroll, not even trying to pretend to be disapproving.

“Besides trying to bore me to death,” she continues, “he said they raided one of the supposed hideouts last night.”

Any levity falls from her face. “They did? No one told us anything about that. What happened?”

“Apparently assassin number five traded the location for some leniency,” Mai can imagine what kind of leniency he’ll find in the _slightly_ less severe prison they’ll send him, “it was empty, _obviously._ It’s probably been empty ever since the attempt fell through.”

It’s not really a surprise, but it’s hard not to feel disappointed anyway when that’s probably the closest thing they’ve got to a lead right now. They’ve been combing through financial records for weeks now and while everything is meticulously kept, it’s no secret that corruption had been blatant in the high military ranks. They can round up some names, but it’s impossible to be absolutely sure.

“They did find a handkerchief,” she remembers, rolling her eyes at the disgustingly filthy piece of cloth that hadn’t even been monogrammed.

But perhaps, Mai has underestimated its importance because Suki perks up immediately, a grin breaking out on her face like a sun. “A handkerchief?”

“Uh, yeah,” she raises an eyebrow, “it’s down at the dungeons. Do you… want to see it?”

Suki is on her feet in the blink of an eye, taking Mai by the shoulders with an excited little shake. “Yes! Oh, spirits, yes! I think– you go get it and I’ll get Zuko! Meet me back here, alright?!”

“Sure,” Mai nods slowly, watching astonished as Suki tears out the door, even leaving behind one of her fans on the table in her hurry. “Okay, that was weird,” she tells the empty room, and then figures it’s better to go grab the dirty rag before Suki decides to go get it herself and starts a riot with the guards.

The way to the dungeons is not the shortest in the palace and it certainly pairs up well with the destination– the deeper it goes into the palace, the colder and the damper it gets. It’s horrible and Mai is grateful she doesn’t have to go anywhere near the cells. If she sees any more mold than this, she’ll set the whole place on fire herself.

“My lady,” one of the guards bows, less stiff than he used to be when she first started looking into this, and she can decide if she’s pleased or not with this development, “is something the matter?”

“I need the handkerchief found last night,” she demands, not asks, and hates herself a little for sounding too much like Azula. “Please.”

The guard– Huo? – rushes to find it, already briefed on her no-questions-asked free reign when it comes to these things. Who would have thought, it does have its perks, dating the Fire Lord. “If you would just sign it here,” ah, yes, the bureaucracy. Then, after handing her the thankfully wrapped cloth, he lingers, hesitant in a way that makes her nervous. “I’m sorry,” he clears his throat, looking up at her bashfully, “I just wanted to say– my boyfriend and me, we wanted to thank the Fire Lord for repealing that law. Would you tell him, please?”

_Oh,_ Mai falters for a second, taking in the young guard with the sweet round face and such grateful eyes that it makes her look away. It makes something ache where her heart should be. It even makes her nod, “sure.”

It’s a small thing, it’s nothing in the grand scheme of things, but Huo’s words stay with her as she makes her way back to the Royal Library, the hopeful lilt to his voice, so light and relieved compared to the fearful way he used to hold himself when she first started talking with the guards. It’s– Zuko will probably like that a lot anyway. Walking past Sozin’s portrait, Mai feels vindictively glad. 

Ever since their conversation in the balcony, Zuko has been distant and clingy in turns. His distance guilt trips him into clinging to Mai like he’s done something unforgivable, like he’s afraid she will hate him for it. Whatever secret he’s carrying, it must be a lot like hers, the kind you don’t really know yourself either. Or maybe that’s just Mai, telling herself to be seen and not heard.

She shakes her head, pausing just outside the door. From here, she can hear Suki speaking excitedly, can almost imagine the wide victorious grin on her face. Mai takes a second to tuck her smile back in. “A private meeting with the Fire Lord? I feel important.”

Zuko is there, sitting in one of the chairs they pushed near the open window, and he smiles helplessly when he sees her, the kind that means he’s here along for the ride but has no idea what is going on. It’s kind of endearing, even if it’s also very worrying, all things considered. “You are, but mainly, Suki didn’t give me a chance to say no.”

“This is why the guards don’t like you,” she tells Suki in a deadpan, nudging Zuko’s knee out of her way to sit at the window seat. The fresh air immediately helps the itch to sneeze and she sighs as subtly as she can, throwing the parcel on the table. “I’ve got your disgusting lead. What’s the plan?”

Without any hesitation, Suki takes it, unwrapping it to peer at the handkerchief itself. “This should do,” she looks up at Zuko, “do you think she can work with this?”

“Uh, probably?” He makes a face, scrunching up his nose, “she used just a necklace before.”

The nagging feeling of being at the periphery of things starts to gnaw at her, and Mai narrows her eyes, the only outward sign she isn’t pleased.

“Oh,” Suki blinks, suddenly turning to her, “I forgot– you haven’t met June, have you?”

Mai raises an eyebrow. “I haven’t had the pleasure.”

“Ugh,” Zuko groans, rolling his eyes and sliding further in his chair, “you didn’t miss anything, trust me.”

Suki snorts. “Only the most beautiful woman in the world.”

It’s so casually said– like Suki doesn’t mind they hear how her voice goes dreamy, how her smile goes mischievous and soft– Mai feels herself flushing, glances away, down at her hands.

“And the most annoying,” Zuko scowls, apparently oblivious to any change in her expression, “but her shirshu is the best tracker there is.”

“This could be months old,” Mai points out, forcefully moving on from whatever passing fever washed over just seconds ago, “are you sure she can work with that?”

“I’m sure,” says Suki, nodding, decisive in a way that makes Mai wonder how skilled this woman must have to be to inspire such faith from these two. She focuses back on Zuko, “can you contact her?”

“It shouldn’t be too hard,” he shrugs, “she’s kind of hard to miss.”

_How wonderful,_ Mai thinks, leaning back on the window sill and looking out at the courtyard, leaving the rest of the planning for the others. Outside, the sun is scorching hot, a true Fire Nation summer, and she figures she could blame the weather for her flush earlier. Closing her eyes, she tries to picture it– _the most beautiful woman in the world–_ but only sees how comfortable Suki was at admitting it, at baring her own attraction so freely, even after Mai’s last outburst weeks ago.

Somewhere, just behind her sternum, just where her heart is, aches with a deep-rooted longing. 

*

_“She,”_ says the most beautiful woman in the world, “is _your_ girlfriend?”

In all fairness, neither of them had lied. June is dangerously beautiful and beautifully dangerous, dark eyes leaving Mai feeling like scorched earth after meeting them, and she has a dryness to her words that’s equally irritating as it’s funny. Mai wants to leave the room and she wants June never to stop looking at her.

“You don’t have to sound so surprised,” Zuko is scowling as he’s been scowling ever since a servant had let them know June had arrived. 

“Debatable,” June says airly, waving him off, and her shirshu twitches beside her. Then, she glances at Mai again, “and a pity. But what’s this about piles of gold, I hear?”

Suki clears her throat, stepping forward. “We need you to track someone for us.”

For a moment, June just regards them, head tilting in consideration and her hair glints in the moonlight. “It’s never really a question with you lot, is it?”

“We’re willing to pay,” Zuko offers in his newly developed diplomatic voice, “just name your price.”

“It’s really important,” Suki tells her, and Mai can’t imagine how any of them can be so unaffected when Mai herself is clinging to her icy demeanor for dear life. “Life or death, _literally.”_

June rolls her eyes. “It always is. Let me guess, the world is ending again?”

Zuko coughs awkwardly. “Maybe? I mean, I can’t imagine it’d be good to have my father on the throne again.”

“Will you do it or not?” Mai snaps, eyeing the shirshu cooly, “unless your pet isn’t that good of a tracker?”

“Nyla is the best,” she glares, pausing briefly to coo at him, “and we’ll do it, but it’ll be expensive.”

“We know, as I said,” Zuko throws her the handkerchief, “just name your price.”

June smirks, a wicked cut of her lips, and mounts Nyla in one fluid movement that leaves Mai flustered and breathless. It reminds her of Ty Lee and her impossible gymnastics, and Mai wants to– 

She wants. 

*

_Ty Lee,_

_I wish you were here ~~.~~_ _~~There’s something I~~ _ _I need to talk with_ ~~_you_~~ _someone or I fear I’m going crazy._ _I think ~~I don’t understand~~ _ _there’s something_ ~~_wrong_~~ _with me. You asked me what it was like to be in love and I know this now: this is not it. I’m not in love with Zuko. I’ve never been_ _~~I don’t think i’ll~~ _

_The problem is not him, it’s me ~~I don’t~~_ _~~think I can’t~~ he’s not my type. _

_They always said this is wrong, but how can it be?_ ~~_I didn’t know I could_~~

_Did you know Avatar Kyoshi liked girls_ ~~_too_~~ _?_

_I’m not in love with Zuko. Will you hate me for this? Ty Lee, I think I lik_

_*_

Mai stares at her reflection in the mirror, sits stock-still in front of her vanity, and doesn’t flinch at the image that stares back. She takes in the dark circles under her eyes no longer hidden with makeup, the flat line of her lips, her pointy chin. Her bangs are beginning to get too long, it needs trimming.

“I like girls,” she whispers to the semi-darkness and waits for something awful to happen. It doesn’t. In the mirror, her hair is still too long.

One of her knives, the new one, the one Zuko had given her and still hasn’t been tampered with blood, catches the low light of her candle. Mai takes it with fingers that tremble for the first time in years and raises it to her hair. It’s so long, it’s been so long for a long time, longer than she remembers it. Maybe– 

She keeps the knife there at shoulder-length and holds her hair tightly, a few strands snapping at the sharp edge and fluttering down to the burgundy wood. Changing, would it be so bad? 

A sob, dry and painful, heaving with no tears, and Mai drops the knife, lets it clatter to the floor. All this time, since she was a stupid child, she’s been locking everything in neat little chests and throwing away the key, her emotions and feelings and whims, every stone that could send a ripple across the water’s surface– she’s been saving them inside, hoarding feelings like coins, like a fool’s gold. 

It’s too much– she’s so tired of carrying them around.

When she was a little girl, her mother told her not to make a scene, to hide it away, but she never told Mai where else to put it down. It’s heavy, her arms are tired.

She doesn’t want to pretend anymore. Now that she knows, she doesn’t want to pretend anymore.

In the future, she doubts she’ll remember marching over to Zuko’s bedroom, pushing past the guards and the two Kyoshi Warriors with no regard to diplomacy, and throwing the doors open. It’s improper and it’s impolite, and the gossip will be merciless tomorrow, but Mai is running out of patience for unimportant things.

“Are you in love with me?” She asks, ignoring the way Zuko startles at her presence– should this have been a sign? Shouldn’t he be used to his girlfriend’s presence in his quarters? Should– 

“What– Mai, here,” he’s draping his own robe around her and she notices distantly that she hasn’t bothered with changing out of her nightclothes. Zuko’s frowning, open and earnest, and she almost wishes she was in love with this sweet, beautiful boy. Almost wishes he was in love with her too. “Of course I love you, what happened?”

“That’s not what I asked,” she wraps her arms around herself, allows him to guide her to the bed.

“I love you,” he repeats and now his voice is growing a bit desperate, and Mai wishes she could give him more time. “You must know– I _do_ love you!”

“But are you _in love_ with me?” Mai is shaking and hates herself for it, she’s never been this shaken in front of anyone else since– she can’t even remember it either. “I’m not in love with you. You know that, don’t you? You said you wanted us to be honest. I don’t need you to– I’m just trying to be honest with myself. I thought I was okay with how things were, but I don’t want to break my own heart, Zuko.”

“Mai, I–” it’s painful, how lost he sounds, the way he buries his face in his hands for a brief second before glancing at her again, “is this about June? What she said–”

“No. Yes. Not in the way you think,” she inhales shakily, going through one of the breathing exercises Azula use to practice when she first started firebending, “Zuko, don’t you think we should get to be happy?”

He lets a hurt little sound that makes her heart ache in sympathy. “Mai,” he trails off and she allows herself a small shadow of a smile.

“I’m scared too,” she admits, terribly aware of how fast her heart is beating, how cold and clammy her skin feels, “I’m terrified. But I trust you.

“I like girls,” she tells him quietly, but this time it comes out easier, lighter, and it’s a bit easier to shake off the shame and the guilt. It feels nice. It feels– like waking up. “I’m a lesbian.”

The heartbeat that takes Zuko to tug her into a hug is terrifying, and Mai wants to cry with relief, wants to laugh, wants to– she doesn’t even know. She hugs him back. “Mai, I,” he whispers into her hair, “thank you for– me too, I mean. Me too.”

“You’re a lesbian too?” 

Zuko laughs wetly, pulling back with a shake of his head, but his shoulders aren’t tense like they’ve been for the past months. He’s still smiling. It looks wobbly and scared, but he’s still smiling. “I think I’m gay,” he says, and this isn’t how she thought this conversation would go, but– it makes sense.

She exhales slowly, feels the air leaving her lungs and so much of the weight fades from her shoulders. For the first time in a long time, it doesn’t hurt to breathe. “What now?”

“I think,” he pauses, breathes out, looks up with unguarded eyes, “I think now we go to sleep.”

“Oh,” Mai considers this, herself, “I thought this would be more dramatic.”

Zuko frowns pensively. “I’m not very good with lightning, but I could try if you wanted?”

“No, you’d probably hurt yourself,” she says truthfully, wiping at her face and smoothing out her borrowed robe, “do you feel any different?”

“Maybe?” He shrugs, yawning, “I think I feel better, but mostly I’m tired. Do you think we missed something?”

“I don’t know. Maybe we should ask Suki in the morning.”

With a flick of his wrist, Zuko snuffs out the candle in his desk. “Maybe,” he agrees with another yawn, slipping beneath the covers, “I just wanted to point out, technically, you were the one doing the breaking up this time.”

The laughter surprises Mai, spilling out of her unbidden, and she follows him into bed, tucking herself at his side, and knows with wonderful certainty: they’ll be okay. “At least I didn’t do it with a letter, asshole.”

*

_Dearest, Mai,_

_Please, don’t be mad! I know I should probably have asked first, but I couldn’t wait. I kept thinking of you investigating these conspiracies and it’s so dangerous! Suki said there might be some powerful families involved! I’m sorry, I couldn’t wait until this letter found you and for you to write back your answer._

_I’m coming back to Caldera City._

_Surprise, I guess?_

_Maybe then we’ll go camping again and maybe there’ll be fireflies._

_I can’t wait to see you._

_From the person who’s been missing you her whole life,_

_Ty Lee_   
  


**Author's Note:**

> hey if you liked this, you can always drop a comment or come talk to me on [my writing sideblog](https://evelyn-hugc.tumblr.com/), [my main ](https://caroldcnvcrs.tumblr.com/), or [my avatar sideblog](https://avtarkyoshi.tumblr.com/).
> 
> and hey? thanks.


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